Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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