she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
