my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
