Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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