How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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