I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
