I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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