I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
