Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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