i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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