peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
