it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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