Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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