it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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