Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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