But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
