you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
