Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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