SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
