You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
