i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
