she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
