I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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