So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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