Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
