Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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