I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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