There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
