Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
