she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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