He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
