it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
