there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
