this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
