38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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