I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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