I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
