i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
