p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
