This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
