I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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