my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
