He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
