youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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