On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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