you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
