She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
