she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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