the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
