My hair reeks of homosexuality.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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