i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
