pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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