I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
