I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
