I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
