I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
